What if I waved a magic wand and instantly revealed everything that’s ever been said about you when you weren’t around?
What if I did that to everyone?
With a single wave, the entire hidden history comes to light - every insult, every criticism — EXPOSED.
Thrilling, isn’t it?
Think about how freely people speak their minds when YOUR FEELINGS aren’t part of the equation. There are actual apps for that - anonymous compliments, unfiltered feedback… It’s a real thing. Behind your back, people can be as brutally rude, or as honest, as they want.
Many times, someone reaches a local ego maximum: standing on top of a mountain built on false assumptions, a lack of self-awareness, and poor judgment about their surroundings. The higher that mountain gets (especially when reinforced by confirmation bias and inertia), the more people hesitate to tell you the hard truth.
Depending on how well you take feedback without backfiring, they might never say it: that you’ve completely misunderstood the situation, and that mountain you're standing on doesn't even exist.
Behind your back, though, this information could DEFINITELY come up.
A group of people who know you can come together, and sometimes, the mountain you’re standing on is so transparent that everyone sees right through it.
Usually, talking behind someone’s back is negative talking, because it’s easier to say positive things to someone’s face. So this space often gets reserved for breaking character, like “what a piece of shit Amitay”, or for criticism, like “his video was so fucking boring”
Would you want to know? Would you press that button? Wave that wand?
In a way, that’s many people’s worst nightmare. I think it’s pure gold.
It’s a hack to see the light you actually reflect back into the world. A view most people never get. For those who take risks, create, push boundaries, and go controversial, this kind of feedback is even more essential. It can save you years of confusion and frustration, wondering why no one shows up to your shows, or why women aren’t interested in dating you.
Seeing Clearly
There is a metric in the light world called Color Rendering Index (CRI). CRI is a quantitative measure of a light source’s ability to reveal the true colors of objects faithfully compared to a natural or ideal light source.
For example, under different light bulbs, the same object might appear off or perfectly true to color, depending on the bulb’s CRI. (i’m so excited, CRI is such a perfect analogy.)
Our perspective is like different light bulbs. Some people see the world with greater clarity, while others see a distorted version. The more filters you carry, the more warped your view becomes, and the less accurate your perception of reality is.
Filters can be biases, assumptions, insecurities (a form of data manipulation), but they can also be a simple lack of data, or data that isn’t representative of the true statistical nature of the world. Like seeing a black swan just because you happen to live in one of the few places where they exist.
Most people understand they can’t see the full picture on their own. That’s why we rely on others to help piece together a broader view, like stitching together multiple satellite images. You walk up to someone, and they hand you their satellite frame. One angle of the bigger picture.
I believe the images you get from other people are clearer, more accurate representations of their true perspective when your emotions and reactions ARE NOT part of the equation.
That’s why I think the conversations that happen behind your back can reveal key pixels in the frame, bringing you closer to seeing how the world really looks.
Interesting analogy! I would have definitely pressed that button :)
People who are not afraid to speak the truth, without any filters when needed, make amazing friends.
CRI is a great analogy!
Thanks for writing it, Amitay.